Rose Petals on the Wind
by Katie2
Summary: Usagi and Mamoru get in a fatal car accident a few months after they are married. Now Usagi survives the car accident, only to fin her husband is dying. She must find away to live without him, or die. Warning ad true blooded tear jerker, alternate ending.


**Rose Petals on the Wind**

**By Katie**

Usagi slowly gripped the piece of paper tightly between her fingers, the blood rushing blindly from her knuckles, causing her fingers to go white. She closed her eyes and let out the tears that had threatened to fall for so long, for such a very long time.

Her strength had always depended upon him for some reason or another. But now, now she felt her strength receding as his life faded before her eyes. A life without him would feel like an eternity gasping for fresh air, but yet only breathing in the pollution of self-pity and low self-esteem, reaching for the fruits of her labors, but yet only tasting the crumbs that people had discarded. It wasn't a life worth living in her eyes; it wasn't a life worth associating with, not with him gone, not with her life lying in the shackles of forever emptiness and desperation.

**When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,   
when you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.   
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes.**

She looked down at the paper in her hands once more. Her eyes clouded over with her misty tears of self-destruction. She could see the tears run down her numb and pale cheeks. She could see her tears freeze in their path as the cool night airbrushes them into a frozen state, much like her heart.

He had always had perfect health, never a problem. How was she to know that he was sick when he had shown no true signs of it in the way he looked or behaved?

How was she supposed to know that when they went out for a drive out to the country that day that they would get into a crash?

A semi truck had come speeding out of control along the wrong side of the road. He had swerved to get out of the way but the smile was just going to fast to swerve out of the way to safety. He had lost control of the car and had gone spinning off the road and over the edge, breaking through the metal railings that were really no good to hold up cars, they were only there to make it look safe.

She had remembered being even too scared to scream. She could remember clutching tightly to her handle on her door that her fingernails had dug into the newly refinished, leather insides of the sports care. She could remember his screams of fright as she knew that it was a memory deep inside of him that had sent him screaming, not the situation at home. He had let go of the steering wheel and looked over at her beside him and had pushed her head under the dashboard in front of her. All she could remember was a painful scream of fright escaping his lips and a horrible and destructive crash as they had hit the ground.

**Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.   
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)   
if you feel like letting go, (hold on)   
when you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.**

She hadn't wanted to go in and see him once she had been released from hospitalization after tests had been run and she had been okayed to leave the hospital. She hadn't wanted to enter his room and see him lying on the bed, his head rapped in bandages, his eyes sealed shut in a restless, and nightmare filled sleep or uncomfortable silence and memories of his crashes.

But she had gone anyways. She had knocked quietly on the door of the room and without waiting for a reply entered. She was alone in the room, besides the fact that a loan man that lay sprawled on a bed. He had looked so small and fragile, but yet she knew he was a big man with strong abilities and will that out matched any man alive.

Yet the man that lay there didn't look like himself. He wasn't her husband anymore. He was like a shadow of the man he had been once, a shadow of the being that he had been when they were together. She reached into her purse that had been recovered from the wreckage and pulled out a picture. She looked solemnly down at it as her tears had threatened to fall again. She peered from the man in the picture, smiling and laughing while holding her in his arms, then down at the man that lay sheltered beneath the blankets, his ample frame hidden by the pale blue and whit e blankets and hospital garments her had been changed into. It wasn't him anymore. He was a frightened young boy afraid of awakening from his dream and facing reality in a twenty six-year-old's body.

She could remember through the uncomfortable silence sitting down in a chair beside his bed just staring at him. She had reached out a hand to touch him, but yet felt so afraid of the frigid looking skin that plastered his body that she wouldn't be able to let go until his face was warm again.

"Usa…" she had heard escape the man's lips. She had been shocked but yet relieved to hear his voice travel twixt the soft air in the room that was blown in through a single fan at the back of the room near the door. She could feel him reach up and grasp her hand slowly and pull it close to him, holding her small and ample frame of her hand within his bigger one. At that moment it really hit her, it was he lying in the bed.

"Mamo-chan?" she whispered lightly.

"Yes Usako," He whispered, "its me." As though he had read her thoughts from deep within her head he had known exactly what to say to her.

**Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.   
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand.   
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone**

Hearing him silently say her name was all it had taken for her. She had broken down in fits of sobs that racked her body hard. He had whispered to her that it would be ok but she knew, oh yes she knew that everything wasn't all right. Everything would never be all right again. His eyes peeled open and he painfully tried to sit up, but found it impossible. He had then reached out with both hands and pulled her closer to him, holding her onto his chest. He whispered to her it would be okay again and again, but yet she refused to believe it. It couldn't be all right, not with him lying there in the bed.

Yet through all of her pain, all of disappointment, all of her rage she managed to slow her tears and look up at him. She had to be strong for him, if not for herself. He smiled down at her, a soft, mellow smile that could warm her to the toes. His eyes pierced her soul through the mystery and contentment of his soft a lovely gaze. His calming blue eyes that always managed to give her the calm during the storm, his heart warming smile, his cute dimples that appeared lightly on his cheeks when he smiled; they were all traits that she knew at that moment that she could not live without.

"Mamo-chan…"

"Shh Usako, I need to tell you something." He whispered silently. "Usako, the cliff, the accident. It was like when I was a boy, you know I was in an accident when I was a child. I lost my parent's that day. When that semi had come speeding down the road towards us, I had flashback of my past. It was frightening Usako, you would never understand what it felt like. When we had been plummeting down from the cliff edge I remember my father pushing my head beneath the car seat in front of me. It had saved my life; Usako and I have no doubts in my mind that it had saved yours. Usako, I have no doubt that fate had to play with the accident Usako. It was just too similar to the accident I had been in as a child to have been an accident."

"Mamo-chan…it was horrible. For a brief moment I knew what it felt like to see my life flashing in front of my eyes. I could see what you had seen as a child."

"Don't say anymore Usako, don't say anymore."

She had smiled and blown him a kiss and left the room after whispering that she would be back the next day. He would be ok, she knew he would be.

But the next day when she had come back to see him, the nurse had refused her access. She had said that he was dying; she had said that they would be taking him off of life support. She demanded to see him, but the nurse had refused.

Yet Usagi knew she had to see him. She pushed the nurse out of her way and run into the room. A doctor had looked up to see her.

"What are you doing in here? No visitors are allowed."

"I don't care! That's my husband lying in that bed!" She had screamed.

The doctor looked her over and nodded his head as if to approve of something. He took something off of his clipboard and handed it to her.

"Mrs. Chiba, your husband had left this on his night stand. It's signed to you, I guess he wants you to have it."

She pressed her fingers beneath the fold on the envelope and yanked it softly opened. She pulled out the soft white page, tinted with the softest, pale yellow tinge.

_I, Chiba Mamoru, leave all of my asserts, my belongings, my home, my possessions, everything of mine to my wife and companion forever, my darling bunny Usagi._

It was his will. She had looked up at the doctor and he had shaken his head at her.

"I have to take him off life support Mrs. Chiba. Are you willing to watch?"

She couldn't stand the air in the room. She felt it stifling and humid. She could feel the walls closing in around her. This wasn't happening, it just wasn't happening. She, Usagi Chiba, would awaken in a moment with her head leaning softly on her husband's chest, feeling his soft and pulsing rising and falling of his chest beneath her head. The soft moments of dawn as she saw the sun rise through they're balcony sliding doors. It would be heaven, pure and simple heaven, as it was every morning awakening in his arms.

However something told her she was wrong. She had to run, she couldn't stay any longer. She ran wildly through the hallways of the hospital, the paper still clutched tightly in the folds of her hands. She had run fast and hard down the streets of the city, unable to stop. She ran down the roads and finally stopped, at a seen she had never wished to return to again, the crash site.

The road blokes had been fixed and the crash had long since been cleaned long before hand. But yet she felt a strong impulse to pull herself to look over the edge.

**If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,   
when you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.**

And this was where she was at that moment, scared, alone, and peering over the edge of the cliff where her husband had been injured. She had spent so much time in the hospital, that the site no longer showed any signs of wreckage. Yet when she looked hard enough, she could still see the loose rock lying on the side of the road from where the semi had crashed into the side of the mountain, she could see the transition between the old and new pieces of siding. She could tell without a shadow of a doubt that this had been the spot of their accident.

She could feel the tears come coursing down her cheeks. However her mind didn't stay on the seen at hand, they staid buried in the memory of being in the hospital, watching the doctor take her husband off of life support. She couldn't stand the memory, all the painful folds of relentless bitterness that she had run from. Every haunting image played in order, every haunting movement magnified to bring upon the effect of painful murder. She could feel her breathing magnify, she could feel her heart race.

When something hit her deep inside. Something had snapped. She smiled deeply as a thought hit her. Destiny had wanted her to die that day along with her husband, but yet she had cheated it so easily, just as he had cheated it so many years ago, twenty-one to be exact.

"Destiny you wanted me to die, but her cheated my destiny for me. He saved me from your treacherous grasps, but yet he could not save himself. Now destiny, do your worst, I'm here, I'm ready for you! Bring it on! Take me too! You can't just take him and leave me to die! You can't leave me here! Take me too!"

She stepped over the railing and stepped onto the edge on the other side. She was too pre occupied with her task at screaming at destiny to hear a car pull up behind her in the dusty side of the highway road. She was to pre occupied with her own demise to hear the car door slam behind her. She was too pre occupied to hear the footsteps approach her through the rocks and gravel, the tar and dirt. But she was not too pre occupied to hear the familiar voice speak to her ever so softly, but yet strong enough for her to hear over her screams of pain and anguish.

"Usagi? Usagi-chan, its me, Rei-chan."

Usagi's eyes grew wide as she turned to look behind her. There was her friend since she had been a young teen in the world alone holding a bocce of blood red roses, Mamoru's favorite flowers.

"Rei-chan? What are you doing here?"

"I was one of Mamoru-kun's emergency contacts if you couldn't be contacted. I was contacted and told of him being taken off life support and that you couldn't be found. I thought that's nice Mamoru was dead that I would bring him a bocce of flowers in Remembrance to lie near the site of accident."

"Rei please leave. I need to be by myself."

"Usagi are you, are you trying to commit suicide?"

"I would prefer to call it giving destiny what she wants."

Rei paced closer to Usagi. "If I have taught you nothing Usagi, I hope it is that you follow your own star, you have your own destiny. Haven't I at least taught you that?"

"No," she said flatly beneath her breath.

"Usa please, give me your hand."

"No Rei, leave me please. I can't live without him!"

"Yes you can! Can't you see that he wouldn't want you to be sorrowful over his loss? He loved you Usa, he wouldn't want anything to happen to you." She breathed a sigh of contempt before continuing. "I know how you feel."

"How?"

"You remember how I told you my mom died when I was little?"

"Ya."

"Well when she died, I was with her. I was bringing her a glass of water, I had placed it on her nightstand and I had tried to awaken her to give her the medicine the doctor told her to take. She wouldn't awaken. I felt for a pulse, there wasn't one to be found. When she died my father left me. He became even more involved in his work as a politician to pay attention to me, as though his sorrow controlled him and compelled him to turn his back on me. I felt like dying, I wanted to die. But something told me not to, something deep inside. It told me that everyone hurts once in a while; that everyone feels a loss of a loved one or a friend and that they feel like dying. But when you give in and kill yourself, if you give in and fall into the pits of death's clammy grip than how many more will you hurt? I know that if I had killed myself I would have killed my father. He was finding away to go on and I had to too. You don't seem to understand that if you let go right now you'll not just kill yourself; you'll kill your friends and family. Are you willing to do that?"

She closed her eyes and tried to listen for that little voice. She couldn't find anything and shook her head.

"Look harder Usa-chan, I know its there. Please…"

After a few moments Usagi reached up and grasped a hold of the railing and turned around. She stepped back over and walked towards her friend, clasping he arms around her neck. She finally released the tears that she had wanted to release, the tears that had threatened to fall since she had stepped over the rail.

"Shh Usa. I'll give you a ride home."

But first Usagi wanted to do one thing before she left. She took the flowers from Rei's hands and threw them into the wind, allowing the petals to dance and sway in the soft breeze before disappearing into the morning sky.

"I can remember, Rei, on our wedding day and the first time we met the scent of roses filling my nostrils. I could see rose petals floating in the air other times and I knew when I saw them that it was a big transition in my life, first when he came into my life, next when we married, and now when he died. I must go on Rei, I know I must now."

Rei smiled lightly at her friend before getting into her car. She waved Usagi in and she sat beside her, as the small black car drove off back towards the city and towards Usagi's apartment.

**Well, everybody hurts sometimes,   
everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.   
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.   
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on.  
(Everybody hurts. You are not alone.)**

Despite Rei's protests, Usagi went home that night to her apartment back in her old neighborhood. She had entered her apartment complex and up the elevator to he apartments. Sticking the key into the doorknob she pushed open the door to find the greeting scent of roses filling her nostrils. The bocce that Mamoru had given her the day that they had gone out for the fatal drive still smelt as sweet as they had when she had been given them. She entered the room to see soft rose petals floating amongst the living room. The window to her living room was still open and the wind had blown soft petals off of the flower stems. She smiled softly as she entered the kitchen. She pushed the button on the answering machine to be greeted by the message that Mamoru had created for both of them earlier that year when they had gotten married. Next she heard the sound of the doctor from the hospital.

"Mrs. Chiba, this is Dr. Sun from the hospital calling, I ran the tests on you. We had done numerous different tests on you, one being a pregnancy test. Although you had been very shaken up and injured in the car accident and it's a miracle that this still is, your pregnant Mrs. Chiba. Congratulations."

Usagi could feel a soft smile play on her lips as soft tears of joy ran down her cheeks. If it were a girl that was on the way, she would be called Chibi Usa. But something inside of her told her it wasn't a girl she was carrying, but a young boy. That is what told her that his name was to be Mamoru.

Seven and a half months later, on August 4th, his awaiting mother, Chiba Usagi, brought the day her husband should have turned twenty-seven, young Chiba Mamoru II into the world. As her son was born her friends brought in bocces of white roses into the room, one from each of them, and a bocce of twelve red roses for her son, from her husband Mamo-chan. She smiled beneath her tears, since her friends had told her that it had been a request he had made to her in letters address to them that on his son's birth the a bocce of twelve red roses be brought in, one for every year he had known her. He had known she was pregnant before the accident somehow, and he knew she had remained so after. Their baby was strong, just like the both of them. 

On young Mamoru's first birthday, Usagi took him to see the site where she and her late husband had fallen off of the cliff in the accident. There now lay a plaque saying that on that site, Mamoru Chiba had gotten into the car crash that had ended his life, right next to the one that said Mr. and Mrs. Chiba died on that spot twenty-five years earlier. Destiny had taken the original Chiba family at that same spot, from the same circumstances. She wondered if that would be the way she would die some day, but for now, she had to concentrate on her son. She laid a bundle of twelve red long stem roses for each of the three people and left, along with her young baby boy tucked in her arms.

And the rest they say is history, or at least another story.

The End

The song Everybody Hurts belongs to REM. I make no claim to it. I make no claim to the characters from Sailor Moon. They belong to Naoko Takeuchi, Dic, and other respected owners © their respected years. Rose Petals on the Wind in © 2001 by Katie.

Wind Beneath My Wings (a shrine to Usagi and Mamoru) (www.geocities.com/smwindbeneathmywings)

If That's What it Takes (a shrine to Tsukino Usagi) (www.geocities.com/smifthatswhatittakes/)

A Heart at midnight (a collection of Katie's original poems and writings under the name Kat)

(www.geocities.com/aheartatmidnight)


End file.
